¿LOVE?

“Brian….Brian… My big son” said, my father, every morning and when he’s back from his company. I had a big family, My father, My Mother, 3 sisters, and me. I was the only son of my parents. My mother ever told me when I wasn’t born yet to this world. She said that my father that he really wanted to have a big son. Umm… maybe they tried…and tried that’s why I was in this world. I really loved my family because they always watched and shared their happiness to me. 

Year by year, I was in the junior of school. My father always gave me inspirations, and advice so that I can be a good boy and to be a smart son. In the third class in the junior high school, I was so sad because my father had a problem with his health. He must be operated by the doctor because my father got a disease. Actually I don’t know what kind of disease exactly because they didn’t want to tell me. That day, I was so sad, but I didn’t want to give a disappointed him because, on that day, I had national examinations for 3 weeks. I must give best results to him. When I finished my examination in the morning day and went home, I surprised that something happened in my home. “What’s going on here Sally?” I asked my first sister, but she didn’t tell me. I worried and my face was so pale. I saw my home was very noisy and all the chairs, tables were putted in the outside. I run to my last sister and I asked her “ Nia, what’s happened? Please tell me !” she just cried and cried. Suddenly she said, “ Brian… Brian… we didn’t have a father.”  “What?” I asked her very shocked. “yeah… our father passed away in the hospital”. “No….No… You lie to me, That’s impossible!” I answered doubt. “I am not lying Brian” she said to me and hugged me. “How can be happened, Nia?” “Impossible… my father is a great daddy in this world, and I don’t want him dead !” I cried so much. “Brian…. Listen to me. Our sister Ida called me that our father passed away after he was operated by the doctor. The doctor said that the operation of his appendix was successful but our father has diabetes. His diabetes wasn’t normal” Nia explained to me sadly. When I knew it, I went to my bedroom and I prayed to God and I wanted to God so that he made my mother alive. But God didn’t answer my praying.

In the evening, my father’s body came to my house. Everybody was sad and yelling, especially for my mother. My mother was very sad and she was unconscious. I really wanted to die because I didn’t want to see my father dead. Tomorrow morning, the priest came to our house and he prayed my father. We brought my father’s body into the funeral and before my father was buried, The priest pray and we cried. I didn’t want to let him go from my world. After my father was buried, I felt like an idiot. I can’t do something. When I woke up, I didn’t hear anymore my father’s voice to call me. The whole night, I cried..cried… and cried. And I blamed God because He didn’t answer my pray and I hated God so much.

Day by day, month by month, I still remembered my father and blamed God. After my father passed away a year ago, my family wasn’t a happy family anymore. Sally got married to her lovely one and she never came to see us here, and Ida went to Jakarta but she never came back, and my last sister was married by accident. I really confused about my family life. My mother didn’t want to seek a new husband because she really loved my father so much. But lately, my mother wasn’t like her anymore. She didn’t love me anymore because  what I have done for her, she always thought that’s not good to do that. And my mother never came to church or even praying. She was like me “Blame God”.  I was so stress to see my family.

The graduation of Senior high school was here. That day, I finished my school until senior high school. My mother was so happy and she told me that I must have a job. When my mother said, I was really sad and said to her “ Mom, I know you want me to find a job, but I want to continue my study until university” “WHAT? No… you can’t. We don’t have money. You must know who you are! You are a poor man without a daddy.” My mother said it louder. Tomorrow morning, I went from my house to find a job. My mother, let me go and she gave me IDR 250.000,- . In that day, I was very sad and I didn’t want to see my mother alone in that house. I promised to myself that I must gave my mother the happiness.

Long time I arrived in Bali, I didn’t get a job. I was so depression. I tried as I can and I used my money for a good thing. In the middle of my way, I met a friend. He saw me and he asked me, “ Hey bro, who are you?” “I am Brian from a small town” I answered him. “hey I am Michael. I stay in this city. Nice to meet you” he talked to me. When I saw his uniform, there was the name of the company. Directly I asked him “Anyway bro, Do you work in the Electronic company?” “yes off course, Why?” he answered me. “umm… bro, I really need your help. I come here is not for vocation but to see a job. I was so stress because I don’t get  job until today. But I just graduated from senior high school. Can I send my application to that company?” I asked him. “Oh… you are in the right time to ask that. In that company needs some workers for their marketing. You can send it” he answered it clearly. When I knew about I was so happy and I said “Thank you very much bro.” “You’re welcome” she replied it. When he wanted to go, suddenly I asked him, “ bro can I stay in your house temporary?” “oh my pleasure my friend.” When we arrived in his house, there is not people there because le stayed alone there. He had a boarding house because his family wasn’t here. Michael was very a good friend because he helped me so much, like he sent my applicant letter and many more. A week I have waited, there’s no calling. Suddenly my phone was ringing that they called me to come to that company for interview. I jumped and I was yelling to show my happiness. Next day, I came to that company and I was interviewed. Finally they received me for their employee. I came back to the house and told Michael, ”Thank you very much Michael. Tomorrow morning, I can work there” “I was so glad Brian. Don’t forget, you must buy me a cup of coffee.” He said kidding. After that, I called my mother and told her but she only said good and I must send to her money as soon as possible. Actually I really disappointed to hear about it but I have promised to her so that I’ll send money for her.

A year I have worked in the company and my salary was very high month by month. When I went home, suddenly Michael said “Brian, you have worked in the company for a year. Why don’t you try your girlfriend? You should have a girlfriend so that you are not lonely”. When I heard it, I said “ yeah, you’re right bro. In our company, I am falling in love with a woman.” “Really? Oh…. That’s good. So, Have you said your love to her?” he asked closely. I answer him “Not yet bro, because I never have a girlfriend before.” “oh come on… what are you waiting for? You must say it so that you can feel the power of love” he said bravely. I thought about the statement from Michael. Tomorrow evening in the company, I saw her. She was taking a rest with her friend in the canteen. I came to her and asked her “ excuse me, Can I join with you?” and then they answered me, “yes you can.” . After that I asked her name, and her name Jenny. When I knew her name, I stopped and my mouth cant said some words because when I saw her face, I felt like in heaven. In my thinking said that I must to be brave. Suddenly I asked her “Jenny, Do you have a free time for tomorrow?” Jenny answered “ Yes, I am free for tomorrow” “oh.. thank God. Okay, I invite to go with for dinner tomorrow night in the Mr.D Restaurant. Please come !” I said it happily and she said “Okay, I’ll come”. I went home so happy and I didn’t care about the people who saw me.

Tomorrow night has come and we met in the restaurant. I saw her was very beautiful. She is like a princess of my heart. We dinner there and after dinner I gave her some surprises. Luckily the employees of the restaurant helped me. They turned off the lamp and they turned on the candle. And the song of endless love was played. She was very amazed and happy. In that situation, I said, “Jenny….when I see you for the first time in the company, my heartbeat was so different. And I never feel it. I know that you are a good woman for me. I want you are with me until my last breath and my last life. So do you want to be my girlfriend?”  “Actually Brian, I don’t know you closely. So, my answer is…… Okay I want to be your girlfriend and I want to know you more.” After she said it, I gave a ring to show my love for her and I kissed her. We went home together by using bicycle. I arrived in the house I saw Michael and I told him that I had a new girlfriend and he’s so glad to know that.

A week of our relationship, there is not a problem between us. On Sunday, she asked me to go to church with her but I told her that I never went to church more than five years. When she knew, she wanted me to go to her and I followed it. In the church I felt sleepy and suddenly priest said, “you can read from your bible in Isaiah 1:16-18 ” Wash you, make you clean; put away the evil of your doings from before mine eyes; cease to do evil; Learn to do well; seek judgment, relieve the oppressed, judge the fatherless, plead for the widow. Come now, and let us reason together, saith the LORD: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.” When I heard and read about it, I was so sad because until today I hated God. And I regretted about what I have done to God. I didn’t hate God anymore because God is always there in my life.

More than a year of my relationship to Jenny, I always falling in love to her because I saw in her eyes there’s an angle. I planned that I will propose her. In the night, I was so tired. And directly I went to bedroom to get sleep. Michael came to me and said “Brian… I want to talk to you.” “Sorry Michael, I am so tired and I want to sleep.” I answered carless. “No..you have to listen to me. It’s very important. It’s about you girlfriend Jenny.” “Really? What’s happened to her?” I responded him. “I know that you are very love her but sorry, I saw her with a man in the hotel yesterday.” He said and he show some photos about Jenny was kissing with the other man. When Brian knew about it, she called Jenny and asked her, “Jenny, who was the man in the hotel yesterday?” “I didn’t go anywhere yesterday” she answered. “No… you are lying to me. Please tell me the truth !” I asked anger. “Okay Brian… if you want to know the truth, I will tell to you that the man is my boyfriend. Before you said love to me, he has become my boyfriend.” She explained it sadly. Knowing about that, I said “Oh… Okay, I know who you are now. From now, we end!” I was very sad to know about my decision but I had to face it. I saw Michael and then I thanked very much to him.

From what was happened, I didn’t give up to find a new girlfriend. When I found girlfriends, they are always dishonest. Umm… I was so tired about this because more than 5 women, we ended. I was angry to myself and blame again to God. I said “God, what are you doing to me? You are not happy to see me with a girlfriend? Why do you let me alone! I hate you God. I hate you!” from that, I hated God because the women who I thought the angles were hurt me. I was so lonely and there’s no loving me.

A half of month, I got sick. Luckily, I had a friend who wanted to help me and watch me. Michael always gave me his attention until I was heal. In the night, I was alone because Michael went to work. I was thinking in my head that why the girl and God hated me. I also thought that the man who loved me only Michael. When Michael came back, I said, “     Michael, thank you very much for what you’ve done to me. I know women hate me. But, you love me so much.” “Ah…it’s okay” he said. Suddenly the situation was calm and I said to Michael, “Michael, Do you want to be my boyfriend?” “WHAAAATT??” Michael was shocked. “Sorry Michael, I didn’t mind to say it. But I need a love from someone.” I said hopeless. “Um….Okay, I want to be your boyfriend. I will not make you disappointed.” Finally, we were a new couple. Michael gave me about what I need.

Until a month we were relationship but one day there was problem. For the first time, I loved Michael because he always there for me but he was not. He was a sex maniac. If I didn’t give his wants, he hit me like an animal. I can’t held it anymore so I run from his house. I tried to call my mom, but I called her. There is no answering. I tried to call my family neighbor, they said that my mother passed away two years ago. I was so shocked and hopeless. I walked on the street and I saw the church in the across way. I remembered about the preaching when I went to the church with Jenny that God always there with me and He always forgives my sins. And then, I came into the church and I prayed “ God, please forgive me. I don’t have someone here except You, God. Please, forgive me and make me to be the one of your warrior. I know that the true love is only from you not from human.” When I prayed in the church, there was a pastor came to me, and I talked to him about my life. After he heard about it, he let me stay in around of the church and he let me study, know about the Jesus. And I realize that the perfect love is only from my God (1 Cor 13:4-8a). I was really happy and now I am a preacher there. THE END!!!

 A story written by Andi Pangihutan Napitupulu